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Mandala Paradise (c) Mandala Paradise (c) Conscious Communication: Healing Fears & Moving Beyond Resistance

Let's discuss the art of conscious communication. Of speaking and listening with an open heart and mind. Of being in the moment with awareness and clear intention. Of sharing and receiving truth and expressing our deepest feelings.

In this article, we offer a simple approach to practicing conscious communication, one intended to internalize the art of expressing and communicating what we want. The purpose is to create a bond of trust and intimacy with ourself and our partner. To allow ourself to identify and move beyond fears and resistances -- including sexual fears and negative attitudes that block sexual ecstasy.

Key Tenets: Intention and Presence
First, it's important to set aside a period of time in which you both are willing to commit to spending sacred time/space together without interruptions. As you sit together, remember to breathe, relax, and stay centered. When you are the speaker, speak what is true for you in this moment. When you are the listener, maintain eye contact and don't interrupt your partner - ask questions for clarification only. As the listener, your goal is to be a compassionate, supportive observer.

Speaking with Clarity and Awareness
Taking turns, talk about your intentions -- what you want or desire from this interaction or discussion. Name any fears/ or resistances that might be in the way. Also, name any relevant boundaries or needs you may have during this interaction.

Healing and Releasing Fears
As you share with each other, give yourself permission to name your innermost fears. Perhaps you want to talk about fears about sex or sexuality? If so, name a recent experience in which this came up.

To difuse negative energies associated with your fears, take a moment and close your eyes. Ask yourself: "Am I willing to move beyond, or let go of, the fears/resistances I have named?" Visualize a positive, supportive scenario that unfolds without the fears you mentioned (or heard). Allow the scenario to unfold in the most pleasurable and loving way you can imagine. Say to your inner self, "I allow myself to experience love and be fulfilled by it. I give myself the power to ask for what I need and allow it to happen." After a few minutes, open your eyes and look into your partner's eyes.

Communicating What We Want
This is an ideal time to share your desires, how you want to be loved, or touched, by your partner. Or how you want to be spoken to, or treated in public. When speaking, remember to be specific and don't blame or judge the other's actions -- instead focus on communicating what you want, the way you want it. When listening, be a passive, neutral observer -- your focus is on learning from your partner without having to guess or figure it out on your own.

Closing Integration
When you are complete, find a loving and supportive way to close this time and space together. We recommend you wait at least an hour before discussing specific reactions to what came up during this practice -- so you can integrate the information and lessen any negative emotional charge that the words may have had. When you discuss the experience, share with your partner: 1) What was the most difficult moment? 2) What did you learn to improve and enrich your relationship?

Enjoy. Namaste. And be well.

The Art of Ecstatic Love
Michael Pooley, Founder & Director
Phone: (408) 309-0962 | Email:

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Artwork courtesy of Paul Heussenstamm, Photography by Scott Evans/Emily Bryant


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