The Art of Speaking
Truth and Listening Well
a previous article, we discussed
the concept of Sacred Space, the art of manifesting physical and emotional
conditions for closeness, honesty, respect, and being transparent.
may find that attempting to create this type of intimacy, depth, and
transparency can evoke fears and resistances. In fact, we all have
fears, emotional and sexual wounds, resistances, or blocks. Unfortunately,
hiding our fears and anxieties can prevent us from feeling safe and
relaxed. Worse yet, we can become emotionally choked, shut down, or
turned off - choosing to only show feelings that we think are "acceptable."
hiding our negative feelings only serves to give power to those feelings.
Conversely, communicating and sharing with sincerity and trust dissipates
this power. That's why Tantra teaches us to accept and embrace all
that we are - including what we normally repress or keep secret -
and to practice the art of speaking truth.
truth can be healing, stimulating, refreshing, and exciting. Indeed,
it can even be erotic. Speaking truth builds trust and respect, allowing
you to let down your guard and relate in an undefended way. Speaking
truth allows you to be more spontaneous, relaxed, and open - so more
energy becomes available (it takes a lot of energy to hide your truth).
Ultimately, speaking truth can expand and enhance your relationships,
including lovemaking. In fact, it is the gateway to ecstatic states
and "High Sex."
truth requires a commitment to being true to yourself, even if that
means disappointing another. It also involves a commitment to the
unfolding of truth (e.g., what is true for you now may not have been
true 10 minutes ago, and may not be true two hours from now).
as the art of speaking truth can be developed, so too can the art
of listening well. Listening to another's truth creates intimacy rather
than distance. Listening well requires receiving another's truth (even
anger and disappointment) with gratitude, acceptance, and compassion.
It also requires that you accept the differences between you and the
other person, knowing that both people bring gifts to the relationship
that are nourishing and rewarding.
speaking truth and listening well, you can learn to break out of old
destructive communication patterns and self-limiting behaviors and
use feelings of insecurity, hurt, fear, or defensiveness as opportunities
for self awareness and transformation.
Arien, in her book The Four-Fold Way, offers a beautiful and
timeless approach for speaking truth and listening well. Arien's Four-Fold
Way involves: (1) Show up and be present. (2) Pay attention to what
has heart and meaning. (3) Speak your truth (and listen to another's)
without blame or judgment. (4) Don't be attached to outcome, be open
highest states of intimacy and ecstasy require a deep level of communication
between you and your partner. Ecstasy (and sexual ecstasy) is inconsistent
with hiding your feelings because the latter creates a split in you,
preventing you from wholeheartedly participating in living (and lovemaking).
Conscious communication, then, becomes a sacred communion between
two beings and can carry us all the way to the experience of ecstasy.
Namaste. And be well.