Back
Conscious Communication:
Healing Fears & Moving Beyond Resistance
Let's
discuss the art of conscious communication. Of speaking and listening
with an open heart and mind. Of being in the moment with awareness
and clear intention. Of sharing and receiving truth and expressing
our deepest feelings.
In
this article, we offer a simple approach to practicing conscious communication,
one intended to internalize the art of expressing and communicating
what we want. The purpose is to create a bond of trust and intimacy
with ourself and our partner. To allow ourself to identify and move
beyond fears and resistances -- including sexual fears and negative
attitudes that block sexual ecstasy.
Key
Tenets: Intention and Presence
First, it's important to set aside a period of time in which you both
are willing to commit to spending sacred time/space together without
interruptions. As you sit together, remember to breathe, relax, and
stay centered. When you are the speaker, speak what is true for you
in this moment. When you are the listener, maintain eye contact and
don't interrupt your partner - ask questions for clarification only.
As the listener, your goal is to be a compassionate, supportive observer.
Speaking
with Clarity and Awareness
Taking turns, talk about your intentions -- what you want or desire
from this interaction or discussion. Name any fears/ or resistances
that might be in the way. Also, name any relevant boundaries or needs
you may have during this interaction.
Healing
and Releasing Fears
As you share with each other, give yourself permission to name your
innermost fears. Perhaps you want to talk about fears about sex or
sexuality? If so, name a recent experience in which this came up.
To
difuse negative energies associated with your fears, take a moment
and close your eyes. Ask yourself: "Am I willing to move beyond,
or let go of, the fears/resistances I have named?" Visualize
a positive, supportive scenario that unfolds without the fears you
mentioned (or heard). Allow the scenario to unfold in the most pleasurable
and loving way you can imagine. Say to your inner self, "I allow
myself to experience love and be fulfilled by it. I give myself the
power to ask for what I need and allow it to happen." After a
few minutes, open your eyes and look into your partner's eyes.
Communicating
What We Want
This is an ideal time to share your desires, how you want to be loved,
or touched, by your partner. Or how you want to be spoken to, or treated
in public. When speaking, remember to be specific and don't blame
or judge the other's actions -- instead focus on communicating what
you want, the way you want it. When listening, be a passive, neutral
observer -- your focus is on learning from your partner without having
to guess or figure it out on your own.
Closing
Integration
When you are complete, find a loving and supportive way to close this
time and space together. We recommend you wait at least an hour before
discussing specific reactions to what came up during this practice
-- so you can integrate the information and lessen any negative emotional
charge that the words may have had. When you discuss the experience,
share with your partner: 1) What was the most difficult moment? 2)
What did you learn to improve and enrich your relationship?
Enjoy.
Namaste. And be well.
